28th of may, Saturday - party til morning, but not drunk cuz I din drink, mind keep running, but still worry my gf will find out, I care. A day in dilemma, starts losing myself. Thinking of am I love her so much, or I can love other deeper... never contact her the whole day, cuz I sleep until midnight of Sunday...
29th of may, Sunday - breakfast with fren since din sleep after woke up from midnite the day before, send our little 5 days pet back to the ocean, send her the picture, inform her n wanna c her reaction, I care. As always need to work, focus too much on gossiping in company, din contact her after that, also dilemma still runs in my mind...
30th of may, Monday - play com after reach home, work in attitude mode cuz resign ad, never bother to contact her cuz of many distraction n dilemma, argue with boss... but did her a favor in print screen her timetable, haha... actually I care too...
31st of may , Tuesday - waking up from bed, evening, before going to work... see her msg at whatapps saying tq for my effort on her timetable... starts to think of her, missing her... tweet her and apologise for not msg her this few days... maybe she din notice I'm in dilemma, she never suspect anything, still ask why am I weird to say sorry... is ok, she never finds out is ok, I'm good now... cuz I'm readying to get out from d dilemma..
1st of June, Wednesday - horrible thg happens, will remember in my lifetime, she text me out of curiosity, I doubt her, get angry... hurt her...
First hurting...
Complaint her of childish and funny.. actually she is not childish, she really feels weird, n more importantly she cares of me...
Second hurting... and the same time
Third hurting...
Start impatient, start typing word sound scolding, blame she suspect me... third hurting, by saying she suspect me is equal to saying I dun believe her, I don't knw it is link, I'm such stupid... she is right...
Fourth hurting...
Scolding her with harsh word... I'm.really a rubbish bf...
1st of June, the same day - she starts to tweet her feeling, y tweet? Bcuz she believe tweeter provide the room for me to understand her... I knw but fail to understand her...
Then she is mad, is good to be mad, cuz at that moment she still love me, I can't provide her comfort ground, she seeks for happiness with fren at klcc... she is poor, don't she? To have a bf like me...
Still, I hurt her in tweet too...
Fifth hurting...
Reply her in tweet in blaming tone... killing off all her explanation...
At night,
She tweet again, she fail to get happiness... she is really hurt, her heart really pain, I cant sense it at tat moment, that y my heart is pain now... I deserve this.
She continue to tweet, she can't breathe now... is hurt, really, deeply... but she still continue to explain, until she starts to sense of giving up on me... i had success, success in inviting disaster to me... I'm such a dumb ass... she will stop tweeting now cuz she claimed that I don't care... actually I care but I'm too focus of winning... will u forgive me?
At deeper midnight, 2nd of June
She can't sleep, is hurting... she claimed not to tweet but she still love, care... she whatapps me, asking for discussion, hope that I won't be angry, hope that I'm fine, still making the same explanation that I don't bother listen to... she told me she is hurt, she told me she don't dare to c My reply, she told me she is sorry... even a blind person can sense the deep of.the wound created by me... actually I care, but I wanted to win so much, it blinds me... I'm sorry dear... I lose now... everything...
Early morning the same day,
Sixth hurting...
Say that v r different, maybe no longer suitable... this is the word hurts her so much... Lim Kim Hui do u knw?? N u said it two times...
Morning the same day,
She care for this relationship so much, she asked me to chill if I really think that v r no longer suitable... cuz she said v nid to talk... I told her to talk when I'm back... I got no mood, after argue with boss n facing prob paying summon... I'm such a low EQ person huh...once again, I deserve this... she continue to comfort me, ask me to take care n b happy...
Seventh hurting,
I'm too cruel saying that I'm happy to her at that moment, actually I'm not happy... I just WAN to show my anger... I'm stupid..
Afternoon the same dat, I drove back from jb to KL... quite fast, why so fast? Just feel like going bck KL ASAP... cuz wanna hang out with ppl to release tension... but not her... cuz I tot I can live without her...but I'm wrong... after some jam at KL , just before I reach home,
Eighth hurting,
I felt tired, n dunwan to hang out or get emotionally disturbed, so I told her don't meet tat nite, felt like I'm cool, but actually I'm acting cool... after one hour of com game.
Finally I care, I whatapps her asking when she will be free but she said she dated, I cont my acting say is ok... but actually deeply inside myself I knew that I'm not ok... I'm curious who she go out with, going to which cinema, what show... and I feel like asking her for movie too, is what we always do whenever I come bck to KL... but I stop questioning her, trying to tell myself she got her own life n circle of fren, I shud not interrupt like lasttime... lasttime I sabotage a lot of her date with fren... I learned, so I learned to accept it slowly, until today... I care... yet I say is ok then... but I care again by asking what time will she reach home... she said eleven pm... is kind of late cuz that time is about eight pm... I'm tired after long journey drive n long hrs working... finally at eight fourth pm I feel asleep but I inform her that I'm sleepy... I care again...
At late night, the same day
She replied my last msg, saying tml meet up will do, but I'm asleep... then later in mid night she told me to meet tonite also will do if I haven sleep... cuz she care, she really WAN to talk to me, cuz she still love me... I'm asleep still... no reply, she waited n gave up... say tml will do again...
3rd of June, Thursday
Early morning I whatapps her, asking her to come out... but I knw she is still sleeping so I waited her... I haven eat breakfast but is ok to wait for her I think at that moment... she replied and we went out...
Don't know why once I see her, my acting starts again, is kinda late also bcuz she nid to school, we don't really have much time to talk... I felt neglected cuz I TOT she really looking forward n seriously nid this conversation...
Ninth hurting,
I turn my care into anger, starts to scold her... the conversation start ugly due to my hot tempered, finally i said the maybe we should separate, I said it, with much emotion disturbed, mostly by anger but not rational n feeling towards her...
Afternoon to evening the same day,
Spend the whole day in her hus together with her, feeling comfortable and happy.. play with wee wee, our pet but is her pet play with her bro... talk with d sister n mother... aunty ask me to eat seed too... I feel ashamed cuz she dunno I'm in argue mode with d daughter but I still say yes I wanna eat with them, cuz I hope that this gives me more feeling compares my anger...
Then she come to my hus, hang out with my parents too, still like a family, evythg seem normal, I'm happy she is be with me at that moment, but I'm still confused with myself... I need more of those feeling... the feeling of she is my family member... to recall me my love in her...
Night, the same day...
Finally we need to talk... in d car before she went back home, she never starts the topic, I got no choice to starts... and v argue again bcuz of my always want to win mentality... again
Tenth hurting,
I said maybe we no longer suitable again... full of temper again...
Finally at the staircase, she accepted what i said n ask for a break... but I din accept on d spot... I'm extremely confused, I think for quite a moment... quietly thinking... I request for two weeks after I settle evythg in sg but she don't want it... n I said since she say that then I will have to follow it... but I knew the answer is not my answer... I'm really confused... but with the feeling of being man , I said is ok then... again an answer without rationally think... even after that I'm still confused, I can't c my reaction... cuz I dunno what happened to me... I reached home whatapps her again... cuz I still care... my sadness come into picture when I receive her msg... officially stated that we are breaking up... the confuse is being washed, love is appearing again... im sad yet happy cuz I know what I want now... I don't knw will it be to late... I just dunno what will happen to us in d future... but I hope she can come back to me... be my gf again...
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